My heart is heavy. The Peace Corps is sending my dad & stepmom all the way to South Africa. I just saw them for the last time for a LLOOONNNNGGGG time.
Abandonment issues? Me? Um, yeah.
I decided to leave my gi at home last night, as I thought crying on the mat would make rolling hard for me and everyone else - tears are disconcerting, even if you understand them. The boys begged to go to their class (I think my son has a crush on one of the girls in class - shh, don't tell!), so I took them. As I sat on the sidelines, watching the kids learn forward breakfalls and backward rolls, I suddenly wished I had brought my undergear and gi. The idea of drilling rolls struck me as possibly the most comforting thing I could do - more fulfilling than the Oreos I ate before class, more distracting than the wine I drank afterwards, and more friendly than the birthday party that made me skip class today. I wanted to lie down on the mat and hug it, which I realize would be impossible, but I wasn't being entirely rational last night.
They say it's a salt and pepper shaker set, but I
think it's me and the mat, hugging.
When I joined Fighting Chance Fitness, Christy said that one of the great things about jiu-jitsu is that it's always there for you, even if you need to take a break or just can't get to it for whatever reason. I had to take a break to have a baby. I couldn't quite get to it last night or today, and there have been plenty of times when I may have given the mat some abandonment issues of its own. But it is always there for me, and I'll always be grateful.